Ah, Jared's Java. Pleasant taste. Slight Monsterism.

Welcome to the home of my mind, where I brew my intellectual and spiritual joe. Sit back and let me pour you a cup or two. I promise not to cut you off, even after you get the caffeine jitters.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

They Doth Not Love

(If you cannot read the above comic, visit this link to see it full size)

Our culture, for the most part, is one that lacks a doctrine of love. What does it mean to love? How does one express love? What are the boundaries in a loving relationship? Yet, if we have but one "truth" in love that we embrace, it is that the opposite of what is acceptable in "masculine culture" is what is truly acceptable. Fathers must hug their sons and tell them that they love them. Pats on the back, an arm over the shoulders and saying "I'm proud of you" are not sufficient by current societal standards, and that is a shame.

If you've ever read any competent author's book on how men function, you'd know that "I love you" has very little to do with it. Why are men less prone to use that expression? It is because that it means much less than "I'm proud of you and I am confident in your abilities" to them. I think that the effect of such is showing in the weakness in morality and character of modern men, especially those within the church. Rarely do we hear confident male leaders express love to others, but we observe their respect (both expressed and in action) for others, and the respect that others give them. Respect is the male equivalent to love. It is what causes a sergeant to give up his life for his platoon. It's what makes a winning football team a cohesive unit (Indianapolis Colts, anyone?). And it is the key to a son's heart for his parents. I know that if my folks said nothing except that they were proud of me and respected me for the rest of my life, I would be much happier than just hearing "I love you."

So, if you haven't lately, tell your husband, son(s), father that you are proud of them. I know that the dividends of that "love" will repay you.

Check out my guest blogger column over at Niki's Other Awesome Blog about why men "check out" other women.

5 comments:

Delia said...

First, I liked your guest blog but was unable to comment. I agreed with most of what you said. lol.

Second, I think that women like to be told "I'm proud of you and I respect you" too. "I love you" is awesome but if you think about it it's very misused in our society. And a lot of people use it just as something to say. But how often do we tell someone we're proud of them and we respect them, be they male or female? Men may appreciate it moreso than women, but it applies to both.

Looney Mom said...

I like this book: Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs. I think this whole subject is addressed well in this book. I didn't realize how important having respect from me was to my husband.

I commented over at Niki's blog on your post and now I'm feeling a bit of regret. Oh well.

trespassers william said...

i think that saying, "i am proud of you" is an awesome thing. i have learned however, that showing respect to your son and especially to your wife goes a long, long way to their self esteem and how your children view others. recently i have had to do a lot of praying (as a father), because i am having to figure out how to show my sons that they are boys and not girls. this may seem silly, but our society works overtime on immasculating our little boys so they will be immasculated males (thank the feminists and the complacent males for that one). so i am often finding myself on my knees asking for wisdom from the true source of masculinity. my advice to you (as i am not sure if you have any children yet) is to make sure you know who you are not only as a person but as a man and also who you should be as God sees it and what God originally intended for man and women and their roles.

Anne said...

I tell my children how proud I am of them but I fail at telling this to my husband even though I am proud of him as well. I am glad I came over here (via dapoppins) and read your post.

Chelf said...

Here I have to fall back on my father's training...I cannot tell my husband, or anyone else for that matter, that I am proud of them. I have a lot of trouble using that particular word.

In the Bible, Pride in any form is not viewed as positive. I can tell my husband I am happy for his success, I am excited over his new ideas, and even that I am in love with him every day. But to use the word Pride bothers me.

Pride goes before a fall, and I just have it drilled into my head that it is a bad thing. Now, honestly, in today's language, "I am proud OF YOU" makes it a totally different context, and I could probably see the positive. But I still can't say it.

Hugs say more than words, any day of the week. And I have failed at times to tell the man I love that I do value him. Good thought on the post. I gotta go hug the hubby!