Ah, Jared's Java. Pleasant taste. Slight Monsterism.

Welcome to the home of my mind, where I brew my intellectual and spiritual joe. Sit back and let me pour you a cup or two. I promise not to cut you off, even after you get the caffeine jitters.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Landing Hard

I'm at a point in my faith where I'm becoming easily overwhelmed. A good friend who I consider as close as anyone I know related to me events that transpired at a recent conference he went to. People were actually, visibly and verifiably miraculously healed. That's awesome. It is a blessing to know that God still shines through miracles today and to be reminded of that so...uh...loudly.

However, I'm not certain what I'm supposed to "do" about all this. Honestly, I'm freakin' clueless. But, I think I'm coming to terms on where I am in my faith journey. I don't know if I'll ever be where this brother is, but I think I'm alright with that.

One thing I know: I've been quite busy tossing out all of these things not worth keeping that I've picked up on my journey through where I've come from (namely, blind fundamentalism) while still keeping the good stuff, but I think I need to get some answers to the questions I've been struggling through. These truths will inevitably lead to more questions, but I'll tackle those when I get there. I think I am at a point where I need to know where I am so that I can understand where I'm going, not that I'll know all the specifics, but at least have some general idea.

I know this may sound like gibberish, but I'm working quite hard to obey the command to work out my faith with fear and trembling. And it's way late and I need to go crawl in bed.

Just a note to think about before you comment: please encourage me. If you have advice, please don't give it to me. I need prayers and love, not advice. And please don't tell me what I'm doing is foolish, stupid or wrong if you disagree with me. I've had some very disparaging comments made about how I'm working out my faith and salvation over the last few months, and I don't need anyone's discouragement just because they happen to be uncomfortable with or lack any understanding of how I'm wrestling with my faith in Jesus. Thanks much.



Niki said...

Good for you Jared! Work out your faith how you need to my friend. You always have my support. I want to talk with you some more about this stuff. I blogged about some of it on my blog tonight.

Jared, I want for you ALL that God has for you. He gives us all different gifts and you have many. If you keep seeking Him you won't be disappointed...love you brother! ;)

Shan said...

As a believer you have the Spirit of God within, and He will convict you to what he wants you to learn. Feeling bewildered and confused is expected when you're a human trying to follow the Divine. But that's the key, isn't it...follow. He will finish the work He has begun in us: all we have to do is trust and let Him lead.

R said...

Good grief, you must have been hurt bad. Sorry about that.

I have been a little lost in my little hovel over here working my own faith (which at times seems so very little) and I have found it hard to pray at this time.

There is nothing to disagree with. I hope you get to feeling better and I will pray you find strength to battle where you are.

clumsy ox said...

Wondering what to say, that doesn't turn into advice.

God uses crisis to do His work in us. Sounds like you're in His school. Don't worry about it: it's how He works.

Call me or email me... or even return the emails you owe me or something.

The Family Jewels said...

Hey Jared! We are always praying for you and your journey. I think that you are doing what you are called to do in your pursuit to learn more.

Remember that I am only a phone call or an email away.

I love you brother and I've got your back! ~~Tonia~~

Chelf said...

Praying for you, working in the trench next to you. I know that God will make a wonderful masterpiece out of each of us, but it takes getting moved into His mold. Maybe not the easiest thing we could do, but if we resist, we break. And if we break, He has a mosaic, instead of a turned pot. Beauty comes from brokenness all the time.

Didn't think that sounded like advice, but it kinda does. Sorry.

I am here. I need encouragement too. You do that very well. Keep up the work!

Dapoppins said...

no advise? No advise? Well, let me just remind you that I am an older female with children, It is therefore part of my Godly Calling to give advise.

BTW......It was so good seeing you and Jen the other Day. You both looked great and your laugh was a very positive addition to the day. I am not happy with the other good friend I invited who stood us up, but you and Jen both get a platinum (spelling) star, for braving the traffic.

MugwumpMom said...

Heh Jared,
Sorry, have been scarce lately, and just catching up on your stuff.

When you said "encourage me" it popped into my head that to be encouraged means to "receive courage" so that's my prayer for you, that you will continue to have the courage to be real about what you're wrestling with, the courage to take your questions to God and whoever else you trust with skin on, the courage to truly listen for the answers, the courage to receive into your heart the truth when you hear it...may you also have the courage to doubt without shame or guilt, as well as to believe, since it takes great courage to do either.

I'm encouraged reading about what you're going through - encouraged for you, that is...it seems obvious to me that this wrestling you are in is exceedingly important to you and where you're faith is at is something you care deeply about - can you imagine if you didn't give a shit? (sorry for the cuss, but somehow it's the only word that fits what I'm trying to say) My point is, if you didn't care about where your faith was, why ask the questions that you need to ask? You'd be lukewarm at best and apathetically dying at worst.

I truly hope this does not come off sounding like advise.

As ever, you are in my prayers.