Ah, Jared's Java. Pleasant taste. Slight Monsterism.

Welcome to the home of my mind, where I brew my intellectual and spiritual joe. Sit back and let me pour you a cup or two. I promise not to cut you off, even after you get the caffeine jitters.

Monday, September 03, 2007

The Easy Questions

Today I experienced a few griefs...deep griefs...overwhelming griefs. More and more.

I'm brazen enough to ask God why the hell these things have happened to me. The answer is always the same...silence...and I'm left wondering. How I so resonate with Ecclesiastes.

I continue to watch my dear wife struggle as gracefully as possible with the loss of her mom and sister. I defy anyone who would be arrogant enough to suppose that they know why. In the throes of grief, there is no satisfactory answer to be found. If you've never lost your only sibling and your mom (who was closer to her than anyone else on this earth), you have no f***ing clue. That's a fact you can take to the bank.

I have been going through life recently feeling as if I'm actually getting it together...and then today happens. It reminds me that I'm just a damn, clueless kid who can barely wipe his own a**. It's a violent and unwelcome awakening.

Why must the only way out be through? How I long so dearly for some peace.


Chelf said...

How interesting that our lives are in the same place so often. My dad was sick recently, and our church just started a survey of Ecclesiastes and Job. Same buildings, different ends of the hall, I know.

The preacher last Sunday at my Sis-In-Law's church said that God wants us to yell, to ask the hard questions, and to be angry sometimes. As long as it drives us back to HIM. The silence is not always a non-answer. Job's friends did the best thing they could, for the first few days. They spoke nothing. They messed up when they opened their mouths.

I won't pretend to know what you are going through. I have lost close friends and distant relatives, but each loss is different.

Praying for you both.

Delia said...

I have no answers for you. No nicely written phrase to make everything seem brighter and better. I can't even begin to pretend that I have anything to say that will help you and Jen right now. All I can do is pray for ya'll. So, that's what I'm doing.

R said...

I keep praying that you will have peace---that you will feel the firmness of God's hand beneath you.

Shan said...

No, no answer. My friend recently said to me "At the end of the day you do the best you can with what you have, and what we have is each other." So I'm thinking of Jen, and praying for her, and you, even though I, too, just get silence in return.

-Benny- said...

My heart hurts for you friend. When you are in a talking mood call me. Silence sucks!

-Benny- said...

Not your silence but God's silence. I wasn't saying you'd be a turd for not calling me...but if you didn't you'd be a turd...a turd that is my friend. Ahhh, but I ramble.

Dapoppins said...

Been there. hated it. Praying that it gets better sooner rather than later.

Jan Parrish said...

Jared - I hear your pain and it touches me deeply that you'd share this here on your blog. It's times like this when I pray in the spirit. The Holy Spirit will intercede for you with groanings too deep for words.

It stinks that we need pain to grow. The good news is that pain is never without benefit.

I see so many of the good things God has in store for you and Jen with your humble spirit, your willingness to learn and your deep compassion. Don't lose heart. God has blessings just around the corner.

I'll be praying for peace and comfort for you both.