Ah, Jared's Java. Pleasant taste. Slight Monsterism.

Welcome to the home of my mind, where I brew my intellectual and spiritual joe. Sit back and let me pour you a cup or two. I promise not to cut you off, even after you get the caffeine jitters.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Things to do in Stumptown when you're dead

Well, the last week has been pretty rough, but I'm getting back in the saddle. To sum it all up, I've been in a financial crisis, I had my unemployment benefits status audited by the state (not challenged, audited) and I'm no longer on speaking terms with my mom which means I'm completely cut off from my family. I've also been sick and had a couple of rough days with some medical issues.

However, I've just been praying and walking through it. Life is not horrible. Like the Verve song, "It's a bitter sweet symphony, this life." I just continue to have hope and trust God with questions that have no answer.

In all this, I have discovered some deeper things about my faith. I say I'm Post-modern, and that disturbs many. But, I've come to learn that being Post-modern is merely the humble admission that there are too many unanswered questions to life, faith and God and the journey of being comfortable with the fact that there aren't answers. Some of this has been inspired by an anonymous writer I have read. I don't know who wrote it, but it has applied and made life make more sense.

Also, I'm just accepting where I am. I cannot change my mom, my circumstances, or my financial situation. It is what it is, and I need to live my life with eyes wide open and be grateful for what I have. I say that genuinely, too. I have this odd peace about where I am. I have a ministry in the people God has placed around me (my wife, my neighbors, my blog readers) that I need to keep my eyes on. How am I to serve and love them if I am full of self-pity? I spent years there learning my way out of it through life lessons, and I'm now ready to move on.

All that said, I've had some down time to process and I've done some healing, thinking and relaxing. My beer is now bottled and I'm drinking on it. It is d&%* good, too. I have two batches of beer and a 5 gallon batch of blackberry wine to make in the next month, too.

Jen and I continue to invest in each other. That helps a lot. I feel like the luckiest man alive to be married to her. That certainly helps me cope with some of the daily ups and downs.

Well, I'll finish that bit on fasting tomorrow. For now, I have some work to do on my ISP journal.

Thanks for hanging with me. Back tomorrow as ususal :)



~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

Sorry about the rough time you're going through. Hopefully things do improve.

Dapoppins said...

How long have I been away? How much did I miss? Well...I know you will get through this, and if you get closer to the wife...well that is all good. Besides, you will have blackberry wine to help now too.(please save a glass for me)

R said...

I am glad you are looking up. Sorry about your mom. I know about that. I can only tell you that I understand and you are not alone.

Dapoppins said...

Is it tomarrow yet?

Jan Parrish said...

Welcome back. Still praying. Sometimes prayer is the only answer.

Joshua 1:8-9 (AMP)

This Book of the Law shall not depart out of your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, that you may observe and do according to all that is written in it. For then you shall make your way prosperous, and then you shall deal wisely and have good [a]success.

Have not I commanded you? Be strong, vigorous, and very courageous. Be not afraid, neither be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

clumsy ox said...

I hear you, bro.

Seems sometimes God is all about solving the pain, other times He just wants to hold you while you go through it.

Jan Parrish said...

Just checking up on you. How are you doing? Missing you on the blogisphere.

Chelf said...

Hey, missing you out there. Went to a wine festival, and thought it was something you might enjoy. More on that later, Lord willing.

News for you: we got a wireless router. And we have a Wii. So...
What is your Wii number to mingle? Hey, that would be fun.

We have not really played with the Wii since we got the laptop. My friend Kelly accused me of Wii Neglect. :-(

Anne said...

I spent years having a poor relationship with my mother. In the seven years of my Christian walk our relationship has improved. Mainly because I learned to choose my words more wisely and sometimes choose no words at all.

She's noticed.

Delia said...

Sorry it took me so long to see this. I'm been having a crisis of my own. Or more than one crisis, depends on how you look at it. One of them has to do with my own mother. She's moved in with us and we're speaking but, I hope God will forgive me for saying this, there are times when I wish we weren't. I feel very dishonorable saying that, but there's a lot to it. Anywho...now that I know you're going through crisis I will stop wallowing in my own and pray for your's.

Hang in there, my Brother.

Chelf said...

Did I miss a move to Wordpress or something? I thought I was doing badly about updating, and then I see that you have been even longer than I.

Hoping that things are not as bad as I imagine them. Praying still.

uberstrickenfrau said...

tomorrow! tomorrow! I'll bite yah tomorrow! Its only a ..............well, in your case, who knows how long...away!!!!! Come on back here Jared! We won't bite yah!

too much anyway

Carolanne said...

Thanks for being so honest in your sharing. I have a friend going through a really tough time at the moment too and some of the posts you've written are things he probably would be encouraged by. So I'll share them with him too and pray for you both.

Niki said...

Are you going for a record number of comments on this post? ;) If you're waiting for a personal invitation to blog, I believe I emailed it to you already. We miss you J!