Ah, Jared's Java. Pleasant taste. Slight Monsterism.

Welcome to the home of my mind, where I brew my intellectual and spiritual joe. Sit back and let me pour you a cup or two. I promise not to cut you off, even after you get the caffeine jitters.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Any hope left...

I feel like I've had all of life I can take right now. You know, it's been over two weeks since I've had a man in my life that I personally respect (and felt like I can tell honestly) ask me genuinely "How are you doing, Jared?"

I feel like shit, thanks for asking. I've spent the last two weeks isolated, alone on my couch feeling like I want to puke, and no one called to ask how I was feeling or if I needed anything. I've been forced to handle the emotional ups and downs in life on my own, and bear my spouse's because she's been occupied with serious worries and stresses of her own. Yup...I'm holding up real well. To top it all off, I have no idea where my life is going, even in the next few months. Sounds just fantastic, huh?

So, it's been a rough go. It feels better to blog about it. I'm left with a strong twinge of sadness, however, because I know it will change little. I was hoping meeting with a friend today would change some of this and help me feel better, but...to make a long story short, it didn't. Curse this strong need to feel cared for by others! I wish I was a born loner and hermit. It's been hard to get out of bed in the morning for a while, now.

Sorry to dump, I just don't have anything else to say. I hope things change. I need some other people to have faith for me right now because I'm a emotional and spiritual paralytic (Luke 5:18-20).

6 comments:

Shan said...

I'm not a man, but I care how you're doing...I'm sorry it's been so tough. I wish I had more enthusiasm and whatnot to share with you for your encouragement, but somehow it would be empty...I know life is hard, draining, a constant struggle - that's the reality. But if it would comfort you to know a stranger is praying for you in your time of need, then know that I am.

Chelf said...

Sometimes you just need to dump everything on the table, and let it go. "It feels better to blog about it." That means that you are working through it.

I pray for you a lot, when I think of others besides myself. Depression is a tricky sticky puddle to step in, and I have been there. Today.

Anne said...

I love you and am praying for you. :-)

Niki said...

You know I love you J! I'm sorry things have been sucking for you. I know from experience that it's hard to reach out when you are the one needing the reaching out to. Don't give up friend. You really are loved. Let's chat when you get home.

Gwen said...

How are you doing?

Dapoppins said...

Blog land was here for you, even if we weren't....hope some of your prayers get answered soon.