Ah, Jared's Java. Pleasant taste. Slight Monsterism.

Welcome to the home of my mind, where I brew my intellectual and spiritual joe. Sit back and let me pour you a cup or two. I promise not to cut you off, even after you get the caffeine jitters.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Indifference


I made a real break-through discovery yesterday. A lot of people will probably slap their forehead after reading this, but that's fine. Sometimes, the most obvious things about us take the longest to discover for ourselves. It's really difficult to throw out there because it is something that is so huge. It is a high level of vulnerability that, while I'm accustomed to being vulnerable, reaches a new level for me. I hope it will be respected.

Oh, before I get, since I've hooked you, if you've emailed me in the last month and you haven't heard back from me, allow me to apologize for not getting back to you and know a response will soon be on it's way. I've been swamped and overwhelmed by a lot of things lately. Now, I'll get on with it.

I have a serious identity issue that stems from my lack of feelings of attachment to my birth family. This means several things, but allow me to extrapolate all of this as it flows from my tired fingers. On a subconscious level, so many things that you developed as a result of meaningful relationships with them shapes and molds who you are, as well as providing you with secure definitions for yourself. We'd like to pretend that we are the only thing that matters when it comes to molding and shaping our personality, but it isn't true. We are so reliant on those attachments. I don't have that, thus I lack the foundation that most others possess.

This works itself out in numerous ways. I struggle with outside criticism. I place too great amount of importance on frivolous things. I lack the understanding of the fundamental principles of maintaining and growing close relationships. Small things can sometimes turn into big things. I over-analyze to compensate for a lack of natural instinct. I could keep going, but I'll stop.

I look forward to getting a job and having insurance. I'm in over my head on this and need some help sorting this out. Other than that, I'm doing okay. I'm just so busy. I have an interview on Monday for a job as a social services supervisor for a private organization. Those of you who are inclined to, I'd appreciate your prayers.

Blessings,

Jared

4 comments:

silverneurotic said...

It's not surprising that you are now understanding this about yourself. It's always hard to see the full picture with people we are most closest too-and being that it's you-well, there you go. Very normal to be the last to know something about yourself.

I hope you have a good Easter Sunday-have the best of luck tomorrow at your job interview-and are able to find some quiet time in order to reflect on this newest revelation about yourself.

Niki said...

I'll be praying about your job interview. I hope it goes well.:)

Kevin J. Bowman said...

Father God,

May your blessing of peace be showered on Jared in amazing ways. We pray for HEALING of his kind from the sickness that perverts his ability to feel the love he is seeking in relationship. We pray for SUSTENANCE for his family through provision of new work, with new benefits. We claim your healing power.

Delia said...

I'm praying.