Ah, Jared's Java. Pleasant taste. Slight Monsterism.

Welcome to the home of my mind, where I brew my intellectual and spiritual joe. Sit back and let me pour you a cup or two. I promise not to cut you off, even after you get the caffeine jitters.

Monday, September 08, 2008

A punch in the...forgiveness

I had had a thoroughly crappy end to my work day.  Every time I feel I'm building some sort of a rapport or spiritual understanding with my quadrapalegic client, he goes off in left field and demonstrates that what is king is his opinion and what is going on inside his head.

Then, I leave work and head for home.  I'm on my way and hit a four-way stop.  I pull up first, and a white Dodge Ram (really new) sits across from me with no other traffic around.  I have a fairly sour look on my face, feeling rather frustrated and somewhat disgusted with the end to my day.  I'm wearing sunglasses and have my cell phone ear-bud in my ear.  The windows of most vehicles are down because the day is just warm enough for it, but not quite warranting air-conditioning.  Anyhow, as I pull through the intersection and head directly past this truck, the driver shouts out his window directly at me, "DICK!" as if I had just offended him in the worst way.

I cried out to God at that moment, "What is going on here!?  Have I been cursed and ignored for some good reason?!  Am I supposed to be getting something from this!?"  Then, it all came to me:

"When the king got to Bahurim, a man appeared who had connections with Saul's family. His name was Shimei son of Gera. As he followed along he shouted insults and threw rocks right and left at David and his company, servants and soldiers alike. To the accompaniment of curses he shouted, "Get lost, get lost, you butcher, you hellhound! God has paid you back for all your dirty work in the family of Saul and for stealing his kingdom. God has given the kingdom to your son Absalom. Look at you now—ruined! And good riddance, you pathetic old man!"

Abishai son of Zeruiah said, "This mangy dog can't insult my master the king this way—let me go over and cut off his head!" But the king said, "Why are you sons of Zeruiah always interfering and getting in the way? If he's cursing, it's because God told him, 'Curse David.' So who dares raise questions?" 

"Besides," continued David to Abishai and the rest of his servants, "my own son, my flesh and bone, is right now trying to kill me; compared to that this Benjaminite is small potatoes. Don't bother with him; let him curse; he's preaching God's word to me. And who knows, maybe God will see the trouble I'm in today and exchange the curses for something good."

I don't know the Lord's intent with all this, or, rather, maybe I do and am not brash enough to declare that I do.  However, at that moment I thought of the first three verses in Matthew 7 about judging and how we will be judged by the measure we use on others.  I immediately prayed and asked God to forgive that man, if there was an offense to forgive.  Perhaps he was a bearer of the Lord's message to me and there was no sin on his part, but, if there were, I would not care to be judged by the measure he was prepared to use on a complete stranger who'd just had a really rough day.  I'm not sure.

However, God did show me that how I've regarded Him lately is not unlike how my client has regarded me.  I've not cared to push my agenda aside for Him.  I've been content to remain in suffering silence and hopeful evasion of some issues that He needs to sort out in me...as if always saying that I'm tired at the end of a long day excuses me from leaning on Him for strength.

I don't know what all of this looks like, but I'm going to work it out.  I have kept myself away from "media" up to this point tonight so that I might hear from Him if He has anything significant to say.  Not much since a lot of initial conversation with Him, but, in that, He has already shared so much with me tonight.

Well, I'm off to bed.


1 comment:

Niki said...

I'm proud of you for being open to what God might be trying to work in you. Forgiveness isn't as easy as it should be. Love ya brother!