Ah, Jared's Java. Pleasant taste. Slight Monsterism.

Welcome to the home of my mind, where I brew my intellectual and spiritual joe. Sit back and let me pour you a cup or two. I promise not to cut you off, even after you get the caffeine jitters.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Everything I know is wrong


There comes times in the life of a man who is honest with himself, and God, that everything he knows about something (perhaps most things) is wrong.  A year and a half ago, it was about my faith in Christ (my faith being in a series of successive proofs for the existence and divinity of Christ, rather than in the God-man, Himself).  Right now, it’s all about how I communicate with and for relationships with others.

In the healing I received last week, it opened my eyes to a lot of things...things of which God had been mercifully sparing me the knowledge of their existence.  As things get better, and I find further healing, it becomes more obvious that the hard work of reforming my thinking, patterns of behavior and heart (which is really His work, as I have no power to change my own heart) lies ahead of me.  It’s exciting and scary at the same time.

I tend to be listening to Weird Al ad different points of my journey, often at points of tremendous significance and change.  I don’t intentionally seek it; it really just seems to happen.  I’ve been listening to his album “Bad Hair Day” a lot lately.  He has a song called “Everything You Know Is Wrong” and it hits me in that odd way he does that makes me feel secure in knowing I’m not alone.

Everything You Know Is Wrong

I was drivin’ on the freeway in the fast lane with a rabid wolverine in my underwearWhen suddenly a guy behind me in the back-seat pops right up and cups his hands across my eyes
I guessed, “Is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Louie?
Is it Bob or Joe or Walter?
Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Bernie or Steve?”
I probably would’ve kept on guessing, but about that time we crashed into the truck
And as I’m laying there, bleeding, on the asphalt, finally I recognized the face of my hibachi dealer, who takes of his prosthetic lips and tells me,

Everything you know is wrong,
Black is white, up is down, and short is long
And everything you found was just so important doesn’t matter
Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is everything you know is wrong

I was walking to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams when I accidentally stepped into an alternate dimension
And soon I was abducted by some aliens whose faces kinda looked like Jamie Farr
They sucked out my internal organs and took some Polaroids and said I was a darn good sport
And as a way of saying “Thank you” they offered to transport me back to any point in history that I would care to go
So I had them send me back to last Thursday night so I could pay my phone bill on time
Just then the floating, disembodied head of Colonel Sanders started yelling,

Everything you know is wrong,
Black is white, up is down, and short is long
And everything you found was just so important doesn’t matter
Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is everything you know is wrong

I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin, when I got a nasty paper cut
And, well, to make a long story short it got infected and I died
So, now I’m up in heaven with St. Peter by the pearly gates and it’s obvious that he doesn’t like the Neero jacket I’m wearing
He tells me that they’ve got a dress code
Well, he lets me into heaven anyway, but I get the room next to the noisy ice machine for all eternity
And everyday he runs by screaming,

Everything you know is wrong,
Black is white, up is down, and short is long
And everything you found was just so important doesn’t matter
Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is everything you know is wrong

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