Ah, Jared's Java. Pleasant taste. Slight Monsterism.

Welcome to the home of my mind, where I brew my intellectual and spiritual joe. Sit back and let me pour you a cup or two. I promise not to cut you off, even after you get the caffeine jitters.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The next piece of the puzzle

Sometimes putting together the pieces of one's life is like putting together a puzzle. One piece fits another, then another, and soon you have a little section in the middle or a good corner to work out from. Other times, it's like putting together a puzzle where each piece seems to fit the piece you are trying physically, but you can tell from the visual pattern that it certainly doesn't belong. You try each piece and they "fit" but they aren't right. Fortunately, things have seemed the former rather than the latter for me, lately.

For those who didn't read my previous post on this issue, this one dove-tails with this one (or this one, for you Facebookers).

A group of us Short Bussers were out helping a friend with his house, since he has cancer and is weak from chemo treatments. I was working at clearing moss from his roof with a friend when I began wondering: "How does all this help make him feel, right now?" and "How will he feel once we all leave and go home?" Then, I began to probe myself: "How would I feel if I were him, getting all of this help?" "How would I feel when everyone left?" I answered those questions with disturbing honesty to myself. I would feel great when everyone was there helping me out. However, when everyone went home, I'd feel empty and sad. I probed deeper and found that I was attempting to make up for what I lack in family by expecting it to come from other places. It wasn't coming from them, so anything anyone else does for me is not enough to make up for it. Ergo: I am always moving from a place of dissatisfaction and am never satisfied. I need to move from that place of appreciation for whatever anyone does for me, and that will then fill me. That was pretty significant.

It isn't the whole picture...but it sure is a good start.


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